Day 24: The viewing and services - The Dam Breaks

I was correct in my assumption. The dam broke.

It began on the way there.... We were in a 4 car caravan from my father-in-law's house to the mortuary. We were all supposed to stop and eat before we got there and suddenly, out of nowhere, my husband began yelling at me... "Forget it! I don't know what the @#$% we're doing, I don't know where they are @#$%ing going, just get on the freeway and let's just go there! If you want to eat something we can grab something at McDonald's by the mortuary!"

At first I was stunned. I didn't know WHAT I had done... or even what ANYONE had done, except that his father had pulled over to the side of the road, which made the entire caravan pull over to the side of the road, and his father walked back to our car to ask us where we wanted to eat.

This set my husband OFF! Not while his father was at the car of course... he waited until his father had gotten back into his vehicle and begun driving again and then he took it out on me.

I don't take that crap! I don't care if you ARE on your way to your grandmother's funeral! I told him "I have two things to say to you.... First, I'M HUNGRY and second... YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN!"

He didn't calm down and repeated his ORDERS to me to skip the restaurant and just go to the mortuary.

I obeyed... grrrrrr... but I didn't speak a word to him the entire way.

We got almost there and he instructed me to pull into the McDonald's he had mentioned earlier.

I obeyed... grrrrr..... but I still didn't speak a word to him.

We went in, placed our order, and were sitting at the table eating when he asked me what was wrong...

GRRRRR....

He always does that! He blows... then he's over it... it's done. ME.... nope... I hold a grudge!

So I told him. "You yelled at me for no reason!" He apologized.. no.. wait.. let me take that back... he NEVER apologizes EVER. He didn't apologize, he just explained himself. "I wasn't yelling at you.... I was just yelling."

Before that point, I had begun to remind myself that he was stressed about where we were going and why we were going there. He has not shown any grief or mourning so far and I KNOW he loved his grandmother. The fact that he is 42 years old and JUST lost her means she has been in his life for 42 years!

THAT is a loss.. and he wasn't showing it. I was concerned.

The viewing lasted from 4:00 to 8:00. People came and went... and the family began to relax a bit after the initial mourning. We all began to talk, and socialize. Then a "rent-a-clergy" (sorry... no disrespect meant.. I am a Christian but this guy.. well.. that's what he was... He didn't care... He recited words out of a book in front of him that was titled "Christian Funeral Services")... anyway... I digress.... he performed a "quickie" Catholic service. I didn't know Grandma was still Catholic... most of the family has converted to other Christian religions.

When he was done, we all walked up to the casket one last time. Everyone seemed to break then.

We walked out of the chapel, into the lobby area, and my husband's cousin, they are the same age and grew up together, walked up to him and wrapped his arms around my husband and he BROKE... which, in turn, made my husband break... WIDE OPEN.

I was relieved.

Tomorrow he will be a pall bearer for his grandmother... now that the dam has broken he probably won't be as stoic.

The Funeral and internment is early so....

Nite World