Day 20: A Sad Day in the Family

My husband's Grandmother passed tonight at 6:00 p.m.

Beloved Mother, Grandmother, Great Grandmother...

1915 - 2010





She was very loved, she will be very missed.

My heart hurts.

Day 19: Losing a Loved One

I'm not going to post a lot.

Today was hubby's B-Day.

We got a call 1 hour before we were supposed to be off work. It was time to go say goodbye to Hubby's 94-year-old grandmother.

She has lived a good life. A long life without disease or illness. She is dying simply of old age, peacefully, she is just tired and it's time to go home.

As of the time of this writing she is still with us; however it truly will be any minute/hour/day.

There will be a lot of grieving and mourning and missing this sweet old lady.

Nite World

Day 18: OMG... Why is there so much drama in my life?

I had waited to tell my husand that my daughter was moving out. I did not want her to be locked in to leaving if something should happen and she wasn't able to.

Tonight when we got home from work, her fiance's truck was filled with their things. I walked in the door and the first thing I saw was a box full of their things. I asked her, "So this is really happening?" and she said "yes", so I went back outside to where my husband was feeding the horses and said "I didn't tell you earlier because I didn't want them locked into anything if something happened, but the kids are moving this weekend."

If you haven't read any of my earlier blogs, he and I had a huge disagreement because he had decided he was going to give them 60 days to leave and I was not happy about him giving them a deadline to leave at all.

Telling your children "It's time for you to find your own place to live" is different than saying "You have X amount of time to get out!"

No sooner had the words exited my mouth than my daughter's fiance's phone rang. It was his family and plans were changing.

The kids can no longer move in with them this weekend. Oh My God!!! What do I do now?

Both are 21-years-old, working full time jobs days and going to school full time nights.

They are great kids! Responsible and mature. They help with the bills. They're not so great with the housework... but most times here lately neither am I.

I have no complaints with them. My husband's complaints are minimal, trivial and pissy.

Now, somehow, we have to not only tell my husband that they have to stay a while longer, but we have to try and open up the lines of communication between them that have NEVER been good, and try to make this a comfortable living environment for everyone.... Like my daughter says... it's probably not going to happen and it's probably never going to be a comfortable living environment.

I say he should be happy that she has forgiven him and is willing to want a good relationship with him. He's lucky that she didn't put him behind bars years ago.

I am soooo stressed!

I bought the patch last night, read all of the directions, and was planning on putting on the first patch tonight so that when I woke up in the morning I'd begin quitting (what an oxymoronic statement... begin to quit???)

Anyway... I think I'll delay for a day or two until this initial trauma/drama/stress comes to a conclusion.... whatever that might be.

Nite World

Day 17: Bought the Patch - Wish me Luck

I'm going to begin my 4th attempt to quit smoking.

My first attempt was on Feb 22, 2009. I chose that date because it was my mother's birthday and she died of cancer. On her deathbed, in 1990, she asked me to quit smoking and I told her I would. I just never told her when.

I did very well my first three attempts. You may not think so since I'm beginning my 4th, but I have been a smoker for 36 years. Since I was 12. Yep... if you did the math that makes me 48 LOL.

I've never quit smoking before. I've never even made a serious attempt. I've quit a day here and a day there through the years, but on Feb 22, 2009 that was my very first REAL and honest attempt to quit smoking.

My doctor prescribed me Chantix. It worked. It worked wonderfully. Without any of the side effects (thank God). It is a 3-month program and it works wonders. For 2 months.

For 2 months I didn't even cheat! Not one puff! I was so proud of myself and I loved being a non-smoker. But for some reason, during the 3rd month I failed.

My doctor re-prescribed the prescription from the starter pack and again, I was successful for 2 months but failed the 3rd.

I had to really beg him to give me another chance at it. He did not want to prescribe it a 3rd time. He finally broke down but told me this was it! No more Chantix if it didn't work this time.

It did... beautifully, for 2 months.

I began smoking again shortly after I healed from my surgery. At least I accomplished what I wanted and that was to be a non-smoker for a bit before the surgery.

But I realized the other day that I HATE being a smoker. Truly and honestly! I LOVED being a non-smoker!

So I purchased the patch. I need the crutch, but at least I know now that I can be successful and quit. I've done it three times now and when you smoke for 36 years without ever stopping... 2 months without one puff is an accomplishment.

I'm going to begin tomorrow morning.

Without the Chantix this is going to take will power as well as the patch, but I really really really want cigarettes out of my life!

I can't stand smoking! I don't like the taste, the smell, how it makes me feel! I'm ready.

Wish me Luck!

Nite World.

Day 16: Nothing Important... just boring

Well, Back to work tomorrow for me... back to my 1-1/2 hour commute (each way) and my 4-10's.

At least it will be different than last week, and I'll be doing everything I can to expedite the process of getting back to normal.

I need it normal. Last week put me in a state of emotional distress that I HATE feeling.

Did my laundry today (YAY me... I didn't let it wait until I ran out of everything).

Played Last Chaos (My dragon is now mounted and now I'm working on leveling up myself and my Jaguar). I need a really awesome medieval type name for my Jaguar. So far nothing is coming to mind. I can't think of any character names I've read in books that trigger anything so I'll probably have to make one up.

Not many of us have Jaguars yet. They are a very new addition to the game.

Well, I told you my day was boring. OH... they came and got their horse this morning. Hopefully they'll be able to keep it from getting away again... but if it does... at least it knows where there's water and we'll probably be able to catch it again..

Nite World.

Day 15: My daughter told me she is moving out

It breaks my heart, but I know it will be so much better for her.

My husband, her stepfather of 16 years, makes her life miserable most of the time. She strives for his acceptance and his love. Yes, I know, even after their past. It's heartbreaking when you think about it.

My husband is one of the most "pissy" people I've ever known. His friends and co-workers never see it and wouldn't believe it if I told them. To them he's the greatest guy in the world. Funny, charming, always in a good mood, always a friend, always ready and willing to give you the shirt off his back. If you are a friend or co-worker.

Family members on the other hand, well that's a different story. We get all the rest. The grumpiness, the gloominess, the irritability. Or... we just flat get ignored. This is where my daughter falls. He is either complaining about her, or something she does, or he is ignoring her altogether.

About two months ago he flew off the handle about something, and although it was something that also upset me... I talked to her about it. His way of dealing with it was to inform me that he was going to give her and her fiance 60 days to find a different place to live.

It became a huge disagreement between my husband and I. I will never kick my daughter out of my home. She pays 1/2 of all the bills (not counting the 8 months we gave them to not have to pay anything and get on their feet). She causes me no grief or strife. I enjoy having her near.

So that she would not be caught off guard I told her he was planning on telling her to leave. He never told her, but she has found someplace to go anyway. I'm happy for her. It breaks my heart, but I will not let her know that because it's breaking her heart and I don't want to make that worse.

I simply told her I'll be sad to see her go, but that it will all be for the best and she will be much happier. Then I told her that nothing will ever come between us... even when we live apart.

Nite World

Day 14: Lazy Days of Spring

It was a beautiful Spring day today. Not too hot... not too cold... just right.

I had a very emotional week and so I woke up exhausted. Hate that! Actually, I might also be suffering from some very mild allergies... I've had watery eyes for a couple of days (everyone keeps asking me if I'm crying), and a headache. So how I felt today could have something to do with that as well.

I took full advantage of the fact that I didn't have to go anywhere or do anything and I stayed in my jammies on the couch all day watching tv. I fell alseep, and woke up, and fell asleep and woke up. It was nice to not have to feel guilty about it.

We caught the horse this evening. We've had a pen trap set for him for about a week, and although he keeps going into the pen to eat and drink, until this afternoon we haven't been able to get the gate shut behind him.

I'm happy to announce that the horse is penned, and the owners have been called. They said they'll be out first thing a.m. to pick him up.

Well, I'm yawning... my head still hurts, and my body feels tired so I'm off to slumber...

So what do you think of my new background?

I hope everyone had a wonderful Saturday.

Nite World