Day 13: Validation - Redemption soon to follow

If you refer back a few posts, I had a problem at work because although my boss, the director, told me that although "unofficially" he considers that I'm in charge of my department... he neglected to let anyone else in on the secret.

To re-cap, I didn't feel it my place to walk into my dept and announce, "Oh... by the way ladies... I'm in charge here"... so I just held on to certain responsibilities that I believed the person in charge should be responsible for, delegated duties on a daily basis, etc. At one point I was concerned that I would lose my position of leadership and my boss very clearly stated "Don't let that happen"

I you read the post the day after that all occurred, you'll see that I broke down and "tattled". I know, it wasn't really like that, but that's just my way of saying that I went to him for aid in the situation which, actually, he had caused.

On Wednesday, he informed me that he had spoken with the girls on Monday on my behalf, to explain to them that I had not withheld anything from them in at attempt to be self-serving or self-promoting at their expense. He summed it up by stating "I think they're over their temper-tantrum".

I began to feel a bit better, hoping they no longer felt what they had spoken, and realized that they could trust me and that I still deserved their respect.

In an attempt to make sure it did not happen again, I decided to move a little more quickly on involving them in a project that my boss had challenged me with during my review. It is in writing... in my review... that he wanted me to re-design a specific data base that we use.

I decided that a good leader/manager/person in charge (whatever terminology you are used to) would invite feedback from those who use a tool most before re-designing it.

I put forth an e-mail. In the e-mail I spoke the truth when I indicated that I had been challenged with a project during my review to re-design the data base, and that I would welcome any suggestions they might have.

I indicated that I may not use all of their ideas, but that any I did use I would give them full credit for, and told them that I believed that since this was a tool used by all of us, all day long in the course of our duties, that it would be negligent of me to not take into consideration their input.

I worded much more simply than that... but that was the gist of it.

No sooner had I mailed out that e-mail, but the very next morning my boss sends an e-mail to our department, as if he had never spoken to me about the project, and challenges the department as a whole to send him their ideas on how to re-design the data base.

I sat there almost open-mouthed reading the e-mail and thought.... "Oh My God... it just happened again!"

The only thing I could think was "These ladies are going to think that I tried to possess a project that wasn't mine to possess... and that he always intended for us all to have input.... "

OMG!

This time I didn't stew on it. I didn't wait. I hit his office door immediately!

I pointed out to him what his e-mail made me look like. That it made it look like he had mentioned the project and I had tried to quickly take ownership of it, and use their ideas... I don't think he realized what I was saying because he asked "How does my e-mail do that?"

I didn't know what to say.... I couldn't find the words... I started to leave his office and he tried to call me back. He was concerned, he asked me to explain what I was feeling but I really had to try and calm down before I mis-spoke.

I went through the rest of the day asking myself... "What did I do to deserve the sabotage?" I self-assessed all day... "Am I acting mightier than thou and not realizing it and he feels the need to knock me down a peg or two?" I went through the gammit... I even wondered at one point "Am I placing my trust in a person I can't trust?" I came to the conclusion that he just really and honestly does not realize what trouble his actions over the past week have caused.

I started analyzing my position. I am no longer happy. That quickly... in one short week... my perfect position, surrounded by the perfect co-workers at the perfect company... went to shit!

I don't make as much money as I'm used to making. I'm salaried, but it comes out to about $3 less per hour than I'm used to making... but I've stayed because I am soooo happy that it makes it sooo worth it.

This past week I've opened my resume and updated it and was getting ready to put in an application for an underwriting position. I wasn't happy about it, but then I was no longer happy at my job and so I might as well make the money my resume is worth right?

In the e-mail that he sent yesterday he set a meeting time for 9:00 a.m. this morning.

We all went into the meeting. It went well. We all brought ideas to the table. The girls had some good ideas. We brainstormed and came up with what we would like to see as the end result.

When the meeting was done our boss asked everyone. "While we are all here, is there anything else you'd like to discuss?"

OMG! You could have heard a pin drop! The silence was absolutely deafening. The air in the room grew so suddenly thick it was obvious that there were issues, but nobody spoke up. Neither did I.

He was the one to break the silence. He looked at me and said "I need you to be the point person for this project." and then he continued. "I need you to organize this... I need you to put together that... " He told me, I'll need you to get those filters organized and tell the girls how you want them done.

He then turned to them and announced. "I don't know if I've made it clear to you how I think about (me) but she is my point person." "Although she's not officially in charge of the department, She's my go-to person. When I need something done I'm going to let her know and I trust that she's going to make sure it gets taken care of. All correspondence needs to go through her. If she tells you that you need to do something you can consider it comes from me..." and he went on.

I froze when he started. All I could do the entire speech was stare at my notes in front of me. I have no idea how it was received because I didn't look at them once. I didn't care how it was received. I only cared that he had voiced it... and that now it was real and not just something he said to me.

Whatever they were feeling over the past week... all of the cold shoulders and glares and blackouts they've sent toward me... I hope they realize now that I was only acting on what I had already been told.

Now things can calm down... and we can get back to normal.

As we all filed out of the conference room back toward our offices, I made sure to tell him "thank you." I wish I could explain in full detail to him what he did for me today, but it would come out sounding childish... petty and wrong and again... I honestly don't think he realized what he had done... and what I had been going through emotionally.

I decided to hold off on the resume and see how this all plays out now.

Nite World.... and... Thank God It's Friday!