Day 7: Okay, so I'm a tattle tale.... argh

I say that because although I kept telling myself I was not going to do it... I was not going to do it... I did it.

I sent an e-mail to my boss letting him know what happened and why.

He sent me an email back that said he would address the situation and that we needed to "chat".

Okay... so now this could be good or it could be bad. Either he will decide to make my "authority" known to my fellow co-workers, or he will rescind it. It could go either way.

Ever since the day my daughter was born, I have been a very strong personality! I have been able to stand up for myself, my beliefs, etc. And yes... I can pinpoint it to that very day (another blog... another day).

But the reason I "became" a strong personality was because I was not one before. I was bullied all through my school career... from 1st grade through the 8th grade when my mother divorced my father and I changed schools.

I can remember taking issues to authority and having those people in authority attempt to help... and I remember it only made matters worse. I was then tagged a "tattle tale" as well as every other name they threw at me.

Now I find myself an adult... in a management position at my job... supposedly in charge of my department... and I feel as if I'm in school all over again.

I am feeling very critical of myself that I was not able to handle the situation without feeling the need to recruit assistance from my boss, and fearful of the results and consequences of that recruitment.

If he was not making my "leadership" role known because he was testing me first... have I now failed?

There is a company bar-b-que tomorrow that I had planned on attending, but I'm still feeling emotionally scarred by Friday's events and I'm not sure if my attendance would result in the relief of my stress, or the addition of more stress. I won't know until I get there and am around these people and my boss... I may back out because I know the only sure thing is that if I don't attend I won't spend the day uncomfortable. (did that make any sense?)

Well, it's late and I fell asleep on the couch watching a movie. I stumbled into bed and then remembered that I had not posted yet so I'm back to bed, perchance to dream.

Nite World